To Love…When You Want To Hate

Have you ever hated someone so much you wanted them to disappear? The sound of their voice or the site of their face, turned your stomach? I hated someone that much – my mother! When I turned twenty, and began to live on my own, it was the first time I ascertained how inadequate I was. I had barley graduated high school a few years earlier, and while working one day, my co-worker was amazed at my lack of spelling and writing skills. I was so embarrassed. The older I got the more I could see I had no life skills. I could not cook or clean. I had no direction with a career. My mother didn’t help me go to college so I could only find a job answering phones. I didn’t see any kind of future for myself. My anger toward her intensified. When I think back on my childhood, I recall my mother being very self-absorbed. She did not spend any quality time with me or my sister. She never told us she loved us. She never hugged us. She and my father divorced when I was young, and I felt she involved herself with men who didn’t care about me or my sister.

When I became a Christian I was so happy with my new found purpose, but I was in a battle with God. I HATED my mother and I knew He wouldn’t allow me to HATE her. I have pages of journals written to God asking Him toseparate  us.  I felt she ruined my life. I think of what I could have become had she invested in me. Years of this battle went on until a few months ago. I was speaking with an older woman one day. I explained to her how much I hated my mother and she gave me a verse to pray each day. Psalm 3:7 “Arise, Oh Lord, Delievery (insert my mother’s name) Oh my God! Strike all her enemies on the jaw, break the teeth of the wicked“. The lady I was speaking with reminded me that my mother herself was obviously neglected as a child and searching for purpose too, and that purpose will only come from God.

I prayed that verse every single day. Slowly…the intense hatred started to go away. I couldn’t believe it. The anger I felt was no longer there. Then last week, my mother did the unthinkable. She came to church and was baptized!! I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could this woman who treated me so badly, who was mean and hateful, be in front of all these people getting baptized?? The answer is simple – I loved God more than I hated her. I prayed for my mother even though I didn’t want to, and He answered my prayers. This morning, my mother came to church without my asking. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her. God can do anything.

Who do you hate? What do you hate? A family member, a friend, a former pastor, the police department, a different race than you, your neighbor, a co-worker, the government, America? But do you love God more? Then pray His Word over it – and see if He doesn’t answer. Love Him more today.

 

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7 thoughts on “To Love…When You Want To Hate

    1. That’s awesome. I’m amazed as well it touched you in a powerful way. God is so awesome. We take these times in our life for granted but God will use these events for His glory. Thanks for sharing it. I know God will allow it to reach others for His purpose.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I have recently begun to hate a certain family member because of their lack of respect and I thought to myself I cannot hate and be a Christian at the same time so I begin to pray for this person daily and I have noticed that the hate has diminished a bit. After reading your post I got to thinking how when this family remember was growing up they weren’t shown much respect either, so it probably became a learned aspect of their lives and it is now ingrained into their daily habits… My hopes are and I believe God can change the person, but my hopes are this family member will be receptive to the fact the Lord’ is trying to provide them with a new identity through Christ that also offers change and healing…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What I can share is, in all my years as a Christian the hate was there until I started praying for her. Then it went away. Then God moved in her life. I don’t think she’s done a complete 180 but because I keep praying for her, I’m patient with her as God continues to work in her. Keep praying for your family member. God wants them to be saved too. God’s will be done.

      Liked by 1 person

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