Have you ever hated someone so much you wanted them to disappear? The sound of their voice or the site of their face, turned your stomach? I hated someone that much – my mother! When I turned twenty, and began to live on my own, it was the first time I ascertained how inadequate I was. I had barley graduated high school a few years earlier, and while working one day, my co-worker was amazed at my lack of spelling and writing skills. I was so embarrassed. The older I got the more I could see I had no life skills. I could not cook or clean. I had no direction with a career. My mother didn’t help me go to college so I could only find a job answering phones. I didn’t see any kind of future for myself. My anger toward her intensified. When I think back on my childhood, I recall my mother being very self-absorbed. She did not spend any quality time with me or my sister. She never told us she loved us. She never hugged us. She and my father divorced when I was young, and I felt she involved herself with men who didn’t care about me or my sister.
When I became a Christian I was so happy with my new found purpose, but I was in a battle with God. I HATED my mother and I knew He wouldn’t allow me to HATE her. I have pages of journals written to God asking Him toseparate us. I felt she ruined my life. I think of what I could have become had she invested in me. Years of this battle went on until a few months ago. I was speaking with an older woman one day. I explained to her how much I hated my mother and she gave me a verse to pray each day. Psalm 3:7 “Arise, Oh Lord, Delievery (insert my mother’s name) Oh my God! Strike all her enemies on the jaw, break the teeth of the wicked“. The lady I was speaking with reminded me that my mother herself was obviously neglected as a child and searching for purpose too, and that purpose will only come from God.
I prayed that verse every single day. Slowly…the intense hatred started to go away. I couldn’t believe it. The anger I felt was no longer there. Then last week, my mother did the unthinkable. She came to church and was baptized!! I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could this woman who treated me so badly, who was mean and hateful, be in front of all these people getting baptized?? The answer is simple – I loved God more than I hated her. I prayed for my mother even though I didn’t want to, and He answered my prayers. This morning, my mother came to church without my asking. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her. God can do anything.
Who do you hate? What do you hate? A family member, a friend, a former pastor, the police department, a different race than you, your neighbor, a co-worker, the government, America? But do you love God more? Then pray His Word over it – and see if He doesn’t answer. Love Him more today.