Those words were familiar in my vocabulary when I was a child. I grew with an inferior complex. I thought God made white people important. I thought black people, like myself, had no value or purpose. I thought we had no choice but to do our best and survive in a world that hates us. I soon developed self-hatred because of my skin color. Developing self-hatred is not a revolutionary thought. In the 1940’s psychologists Kenneth and Mamie Clark conducted a series of experiments to study the psychological effects of segregation through the now famous, “doll test.” Black children were given a doll. One plain face black doll and one plain face white doll. They asked the children to choose which doll was nice or pretty vs. the doll that was ugly or bad. The black children preferred the white doll as the nice doll and the black doll as the bad or ugly doll. I did not learn of the “doll test” until about three years ago, but it surprised me to see that was exactly my life as a child. When I had a choice of toys, I wanted white dolls. This behavior went well into my adult life. When it wasn’t toys it was friends. Or it was white schools. White settings made me feel special. However, at the same time – I screamed racism at everything. While, I cannot recall a lot of open racism toward me, I deemed every set-back in my life as racism.
If I didn’t get a job – it was due to the color of my skin. The thought of not being qualified didn’t occur to me. If I got a speeding ticket, it was due to my skin color. Could I have sped? Well, that never crossed my mind. It was my skin color. Democrat is how I voted before becoming a Christian. That’s how I was taught to think. The candidate could be qualified or not. It didn’t matter. How that candidate’s administration would affect my life or my children’s life mattered none. If you’re black you vote democrat – period.
I cannot tell you how happy I am that I am free from this sort of asinine, oxymoronic way of thinking, and living. There is a popular saying, “ignorance is led in masses.” Everything based on skin color, creates obtuse, non critical thinking. A friend gave me this amazing verse a while ago, “Do not put your trust into mortal men who cannot save, when they die their plans turn to nothing.” (Psalm 143) When I became a Christian, The Word of God became life to my ears. I was no longer a “black” person with no hope. I was a child of God! Man created racism – not God. Man’s plan for racism dies when he dies. God is eternal. God’s plan for life is everlasting. I am no longer yoked into man’s version of me. I am beyond man’s version. I am a new creation in God.
I no longer seek white friends for my comfort. I seek God’s Kingdom and whoever He sends me as friends – I will honor them. If tomorrow God leads me to fifteen white women, or black women, or Asian, Mexican, or Italian women – then I will cherish those friendships until God moves us. I no longer mindlessly vote one way. I vote for the person who is most aligned with the Word of God. Now granted, that might be hard today with the choices we have, but there is a choice when we pray and seek God for guidance. I no longer assume if I don’t get a job it’s due to the color of my skin. Instead, I thank God for closed doors knowing He has something greater.
Do we realize that the more we break these strongholds in our lives – the better Kingdom fighters we are? Through prayer and studying God’s Word, He has done great work in me. When you allow God to cleanse your inner being you no longer sit on social media all day fighting people over this election. When you allow God to cleanse your inner being, you no longer have to fear another race. When you allow God to cleanse your inner being, you can accept closed doors with grace. When you allow God to cleanse your inner being – you are a loving person and others desire your company. When you seek first the Kingdom of God – He can and will do mighty things through you – for His glory. Maybe you cannot directly relate to this story, but maybe there is a stronghold in your life you need God to deliver you from.
Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”